BLOG/BODY | the never-ending struggle

[image description: reflection of Anna's torso in black underwear in a circle-shaped mirror, on baby pink fabric background]
[image description: reflection of Anna’s torso in black underwear in a circle-shaped mirror, on baby pink fabric background]

[CW: eating disorders, body image]

did you know that the US National Eating Disorders Awareness Week is happening right now? probably not, but that doesn’t really matter actually. i believe that we should talk about negative body perception, eating disorders and other not-so-favourable issues every single day, and that’s why i am writing this article.

i have already gone public with the fact that i used to suffer from an eating disorder as a teenager. (read more here) even though this was quite a brief period of my life, i can still feel the impact it has left on me, even today, more than 5 years later. i still get upset when i eat too much of junk food or someone calls me out for eating portions that are bigger than ‘what a girl my age should eat’ (lol), and i still get those crazy fits of hating my stomach or thighs, but much less frequently and on a smaller scale than before, luckily. i still unconsciously compare my body to those of my friends, and i inspect my own curves when looking at old pictures, even though i actually don’t want to.

it’s a routine i have learnt in the past through the fat-shaming skinny-promoting propaganda present almost everywhere, and it’s hard to get rid of it, even if you’re an advocate of body positivity and self-love, it is hard to get over it.
it is hard to get over an eating disorder.
it is hard to resist the thin-privileging pressure our society imposes on us.

and you know what? it is okay to struggle with it. it is okay to have moments of not feeling good in your own body, or to feel enraged by the amount of food you eat or whatever – as long as you realise that none of the reasons behind it are actually true.
any body type is good enough, any amount of food is okay, any type of clothing fits your body.
keep that in mind; and don’t scold your body for not being the advertising ideal, because that’s bullshit anyways. 
at the same time, don’t scold your mind for still thinking in the old way – it’s a long process.
it’s hard to say fuck you to what has been (and still is) being presented to you as the only right way, but you can work on it.
so, keep trying – i will do it too.

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