[CW: sex, orgasms, genitals, consent]
ok, i would have been a huge hypocrite if i said that orgasms weren’t a big part of, or the reason behind, my sex life. i don’t really remember how i discovered the big O for the first time, nor how it felt, but i know i was soon hooked on that sweet wave of pleasure electrifying the whole body.
hell yeah, i love orgasms. but i do think they’re incredibly overrated in our society, leading to uncomfortable situations during sex, stigma, shame, and a lot more. that’s why i want to put a few thoughts about them out here.
not everyone is able to orgasm*
* that does not mean, however, that the person doesn’t experience any pleasure at all!
orgasms are presented as something that is an easy-peasy thing everyone is able of, but that’s not really true, and, after having several discussions with many of my friends who were worried about their inability to orgasm, let me tell you, if you can’t really climax, it’s alright. you’re not alone. there’s nothing wrong with your body, nor you’re “broken” (ughhhh). but also remember, just like everything in one’s life, your body’s abilities and features are fluid and might change with time, so don’t give your hopes up just yet.
orgasms are great, sure, but they’re not everything
speaking of that, i’ve also had a plethora of talks with my pals being almost desperate about the fact they can’t orgasm. but, real talk now, as much as i love cumming, i don’t think of it as the best thing under the sun or anything. to be quite honest, i’d pick a good meal over an orgasm any time. sleeping on a fluffy, super-comfy pillow for the rest of my life or having a great orgasm every day? gimme that pillow, thanks. literally, there’s so many things i’d pick over orgasms without a moment of hesitation. yes, they are great, but the pleasure that leads to them is pretty amazing too, and i could definitely be happy with just that.
orgasm is not the single goal of partnered sex
and that leads me to yet another issue: stop making sex with people about the climax only!! i don’t know about you, but i find it incredibly difficult to cum with other folks, and truth be told, i don’t even remember the last time i came with someone (i mean, i did a few months ago, but that was thanks to my own, um, work, so i guess that doesn’t really count, right? and if you’re interested, yes, i used to fake them. can’t be bothered anymore). i think it’s a shame when all the effort during sex is centred on getting off instead of actually enjoying the sexual pleasure you give and receive. and nah, sex without an orgasm is not “bad sex,” not at all. it can be fucking amazing, the best sex you’ve ever had perhaps, and still there’s no Os involved (true story!!), but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t oh-so-good, right?
people with vulvas are not “harder” to get off
that’s just some stupid misogynist bullshit stemming from the normalized form of cis hetero sex that prioritizes penile pleasure. nahhhh. NEXT!
you do not owe an orgasm to anyone, and no one owes one to you
bb, there’s really no need to dislocate your jaw or strain your fingers or feet (i see you, foot-kinksters) or whatever. i know you want to please the other person, but we all have our own limits, and you should never cross them just because you feel like you’ve “promised” someone something. and the same thing goes the other way around! someone has agreed to get a little playful with you, that’s great, but it in no way means they are a robot whose only job is to get you off. treat each other with care and respect, please!
but, you have every right to and deserve one!
again, the classic cis hetero dynamics tells that the main goal of sex is the ejaculation of sperm, and that there’s nothing to be done after that. i call bullshit! the real purpose of sex should be a consensual exchange of pleasure, with each person defining how they derive said pleasure on their own terms. regardless of your gender, shape of your genitals, body form, or anything else, you DO deserve pleasure, and you DO deserve to cum, if you can. don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
ok, i guess that’s that.
don’t ever let anyone’s norms or expectations enter the sweet world of your own pleasure!